Main Fiction: Glister by Dominic Green – 01:41
Fact: Science News by J J Campanella – 52:43
Outro – 1:24:29
Dominic Green was born in Birmingham, though happily the trauma has erased this from memory, leaving only dim, fleeting flashbacks of shambling, half-human harridans looming over his crib crooning
His parents then moved to one of Britain’s only nice places, the town of Bakewell. Bakewell is only nice because the government makse it so (i.e., prevents people from building parts of Sheffield and Manchester all over it). It is also a town without pity, but hey, Matlock is a town without pants.
As a child, he thought all the world was like Bakewell. Then they moved to Northampton, where he was disillusioned. Northampton has a tourist office, possibly the most hopeful municipal office anywhere in the world outside Chernobyl.
Green is a product of both the British public school system and Oxbridge, but is surprisingly unhomosexual. He is even married to a nice lady. He has pictures of her if you don’t believe him. And they don’t even have staples across the navel.
Green works in IT. Remember those adverts in the newspapers that said ‘These are Hard Times Unless You Are In Software?’ They lied to you.
He writes things. He has tried to stop, but is unable to. Some people have to go to the toilet regularly; he has to excrete offensive manuscript at a constant rate. He has to go to the toilet as well, obviously, just like you do. Okay, sometimes he doesn’t get there quite in time.
He also teaches Gong Fu (Kung Fu to you). You’d think he’d be good at it by now.
Narrator: Stephen Muir